Masterminds Review

PG13: Crude and Sexual Humor, Some Language and Violence

Relativity Studios

1 Hr and 34 Minutes

Cast: Zach Galifianakis, Owen Wilson, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Jason Sudeikis, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Jon Daly, Ken Marino

REVIEW: Back in 2015, I’ve seen a numerous amount of trailers for a film entitled Masterminds. For a while I was pretty excited and eager to see it. Then the film’s distributor Relativity Studios went into bankruptcy which resulted the film being shelved and pushed back for an entire year. This is one of three “Last Hurrahs” of films by Relativity and sadly to say they’re screwed. 

Based on a true story, David Ghantt is an uncomplicated man stuck in a monotonous life. Day in and day out he drives an armored vehicle, transporting millions of other people's money with no escape in sight. The only glimmer of excitement is his flirtatious work crush Kelly Campbell who soon lures him into the scheme of a lifetime. Along with a group of half-brained criminals led by Steve Chambers and an absurdly faulted heist plan, David manages the impossible and makes off with $17 million in cash...only problem is he foolishly hands the money over to this wild group of double crossers and has been set up to take the fall. With the bandits blowing the millions on lavish and ridiculous luxuries, they leave behind a glaring trail of evidence. Now on the lam and in over his head, David must dodge the authorities, evade a hilarious hit man, and try to turn the tables on the ones he trusted most.

THE GOOD: With a film that has been shelved for a year, I give it that it stays within its setting of 1997. It stays true to its time and never has jokes that are outdated. It remains true to its based material. Though some elements are a bit of a stretch the majority of the film is true to its source,

Alright I've run out of patience

THE BAD: Shelved or not this film is a piece of SHIT. I have never been more infuriated watching a movie than I did that night. More so than Ice Age, more so than Tammy back in 2014, even more so than 50 Shades of Black. Before the film began there was a NY Improv group that did a little bit to get us hyped and it was just bad. As in a painfully please-God-just-start-the-movie type of bad. That was my second or third time seeing an improv group and then it hit me….I hate improv. Then as the film begin, there was a woman four seats from me who kept guffawing at every line of dialogue with a laughter which was the mixture of a monkey and a person who has never seen or heard the definition of comedy in her life. Its as if she has experienced laughter the first time in her life, because she was as loud and obnoxious as this movie was.

Here’s the breakdown onto why this film is painstakingly bad.

If you are familiar to the humor of Jared Hess, you know that he loves awkwardness and Mexico. Somehow he has to have the comedies be about an awkward hero who wants to be much more than he already is and it needs to have a Mexican flair to it. Its a Jared Hess thing I don’t understand.

The script is terrible. It is extremely unfunny and has little to no lines of dialogue to come off funny in any of the slightest. The only funny joke that really catches you off guard is two scenes where characters are making fun of Leslie Jones’s appearance (which is mean spirited nowadays for she is always targeted on Twitter for no reason but it does have a funny impact here), one comical fight scene between Ghantt’s fiancee and Kelly Cambell, a montage moment where Ghantt is in an alley and kicks some boxes down pretending to be badass but a homeless man comes out and starts attacking him. FOUR! ONLY FOUR SCENES IN THIS FILM ARE FUNNY! Considering if you haven’t seen the trailer you are bound to laugh much more, but you’ve seen this trailer for nearly two years now so you know some of the jokes in here. It becomes so desperate to get a laugh out of you that it relies on shock value varying from Ghantt eating a tarantula to an ear being dropped to even a woman smearing a vagina cleaning cream in another woman’s mouth.The film is cheap. It is very cheap with its effects and its filmmaking. It has no cinematic elements to it that it could’ve been a film easily distributed straight to home video.

And most of all the story. It has little to no focus where it doesn’t know how to sit down or stay in spot to be consistent and engaging. Its thoroughly dull and lacks any sense of excitement that makes you want to be in your seat. It constantly goes through the lowest bottom of the barrel to get something to make you chuckle and not only it doesn’t work, it comes off obnoxious.

You have all of these comedians who has been in so many different films you know and love and you give them a screenplay that offers no comedic moments at all. The best character through the entire film who seems to be having a ball is Jason Sudekis. He has that charismatic energy that keeps the pacing afloat. With every time he’s onscreen he’s a joy to watch especially with the subplot he has, it takes an unexpected turn that resolves very similar to Batman V. Superman. Everybody else are working their ass off but have no idea what to do. Kate McKinnon, who single handedly saved Ghostbusters earlier this year has a country monotone voice with her delivery and her expressions coincides with it and she's giving it all she got with every sense of effort but the script gives her nothing really funny to say or anything to do and its really sad.

But the cardinal sin the film makes is its filmmaking and every rule it breaks. It does not follow the most basic lesson of filmmaking in the book: the rule of thirds. There are so many moments where a character stands but half other heads are cutoff in the camera. Its very hard to tell if it was was the projection or the movie but as you realize the projection fits the entire screen, you see its an ongoing flaw. Even sometimes their eyes are barely even hitting the screen. Not even Marlon Wayans would have a movie where his head is cut off the camera and he has a big ass forehead. 

With all these flaws this film has I remembered this is from the director who is giving us a Nicktoons movie. Yes a movie where all your favorite Nickelodeon characters come together (hopefully similar to the game Nicktoons Unite). He’s going to be responsible for our childhood characters coming together to do God knows what. But after watching this, our childhood is fucked.

LAST STATEMENT: As much it boasts a talented cast and stays true to its source material, Masterminds is a painfully unfunny comedy that lacks every sense of wit, charm, and most of all competent filmmaking that should’ve stayed unreleased.

Rating: 0.5/5 | 16%

Super Scene: YOUR NAME IS MIKE MCKINNEY TOO?!