Pixels Review
PG13: Language, Sci Fi Violence, Fucking Weirdness
Sony, Columbia Pictures, Happy (ugh) Madison Productions, 1492 Pictures
1 hr and 49 Minutes
Cast: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage, Michelle Monaghan, Matt Lintz, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Jane Krakowski, with Denis Akiyama, and Ashley Benson
Editor’s Note: This review was originally published during my adolescence. Outdated language might be seen in these old posts. Since then, my thoughts and values have grown. This review is being presented as they were originally written, grammatical errors, shitty sentence structure, and typos galore. Because to do otherwise would be that same as claiming these flaws never existed.
BACKSTORY: Wednesday July 22nd I go to a 3D screening of Pixels, a film I hoped to be actually really really good. Since I was hungry, I go to the concession stand and bought myself $7 chicken tenders. 10 minutes later the guys forgot my order, so when the guy asked, if ordered tender and fries (which is $10) I just responded, yeah. So I watched Pixels with an order of food that I didn't really order, but I ain't complaining.
STORYLINE: As kids in the 1980s, Sam Brenner, Will Cooper, Ludlow Lamonsoff (, and Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant saved the world thousands of times - at 25 cents a game in the video arcades. Now, they're going to have to do it for real. In Pixels, when intergalactic aliens discover video feeds of classic arcade games and misinterpret them as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth, using the video games as the models for their assaults -- and now-U.S. President Cooper must call on his old-school arcade friends to save the world from being destroyed by PAC-MAN, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Centipede, and Space Invaders. Joining them is Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten, a specialist supplying the arcaders with unique weapons to fight the aliens.
REVIEW: I hoped this wasn't a Happy Madison film. I was happy to see the logo hidden in all the trailers, because I was excited for this film I really was. When the movie started and I saw the golf ball, I screamed in the theater "FUCK!" You have to have a lot of digression to buy this concept. The concept is original and smart in a way, but the little concepts such as Kevin James playing the president of the United States you have to try not to throw down the bullshit card. Though I threw it down, I DIGRESS! The first 20 minutes (after the opening 1982 sequence) is really unfunny. Even Adam Sandler is just deadpan, his comic timing is off most of the time. Where the crowd chuckled a lot, I just sat there sighing. Like breathing HARD! Since this is a Happy Madison film, you have to expect the Sandler getting the hot chick (in here being Michelle Monaghan) after having a insult off until the very end of the movie which is the basic Sandler shtick for his past several [I mean most] films of the past decade. The only Sandler shtick that I love is the hilarious roast he gives to every person that he sees. There's a scene where he insults everybody in the situation room and it's so funny I would've expected for him to do a mic drop. Once it started getting into the action with the video game aliens, that's when the film started to get funnier and actually fun. Each action scene is a different set piece and I'll be damned if you say they aren't creatively put together. Everything in the 2nd act is awesome, but the film drops the fucking ball towards the end. Where you think there would be a big boss after the final battle (and they tease it too) they just end it right there. Ashley Benson is here as a character to play off Josh Gad's hormones (you think it's sexist and it is), but wooow they make it weird. She says absolutely nothing for the screen time she gets and its sad. The way the film actually ended is so goddamn weird and actually disturbing. It's actually one of the worst endings you see this year. It's a slightly better Adam Sandler movie, but it's not THE one.
3D: This year in 3D hasn't been so great, but Pixels displays the best 3D you'll see this year. The film is in widescreen, but the 3D with the visual effects of the squares break off the widescreen and goes full screen. You take off the glasses everything including the human characters are blurry. When something breaks off the widescreen and comes at you, there are moments you think you're in the battle. All the set pieces in 3D are awesome. Shit I might say, if you are willing to go see this, go IMAX. The IMAX spectacle is worth it (even more than Ant Man and Age of Ultron combined).
LAST STATEMENT: It's predictable, barely funny in the beginning, asks you too much to take in its concept, and most of all the most deadpan Adam Sandler role of all time. If you can overlook it from being all that, Pixels' great 3D fun and fast paced action sequence makes it the slightly better Adam Sandler movie.
Rating: 2.5/5 | 56%
Super Scene: Pac Man NYC battle
